Alanna hadn't really taken her suggestion that she would end up work for her board by sweeping floors seriously; yet here she was, pushing broom in the back of a church. She was silently irritated at it at first, but soon found that it was incredibly calming. She contemplated what Dr. Simon had told her as she cleaned the nearly entirely empty building.
As she dumped her dustpan into the garbage, the door opened at the other end of the small building, letting in a huge gust of cold air. She paid little heed as an unfamiliar looking figure, dressed entirely in black, walked across.
"Excuse me," the man said in a thick, barely intelligible accent. "You are Mrs. Cassner?"
Alanna turned to face him, wondering who he was; hoping that it was a friend of Dr. Simon's, rather than Sachiko's. As far as she could tell, at least, he wasn't carrying a gun, so he probably wasn't a spook. She figured she might as well stick with the honesty.
"<Mrs. Cassner is my mother,>" she replied, making it easier for him by talking in Russian. She nearly told him to call her Alanna; then, changing her mind, said, "<Call me Miss Cassner, please.>"
"<Ah, my apologies. It is nice to meet you, Miss Cassner,>" he said, offering his hand. She shook it, only smiling a little on the inside at the title.
"<And your name is...?>"
"<Piotr, but most people call me Laika,>" he said. She knew instantly who he was; that wasn't his real name at all. She knew how she should respond, but decided to be an extra bit careful all the same. Laika had totally dropped off the radar for the past six months, and it was entirely possible that it was a trap.
"<Laika? Are you named after the sort of hunting dog?>" she asked, deliberately asking the wrong question.
He frowned, looking uneasy. "<No,>" he said. "<I'm sorry to trouble you, I think I must be looking for someone else. Charmed to meet you, but I must go.>" He started to leave.
He'd gotten halfway across the building when she called, "<Wait!>" after him. He turned to look.
"<The code is really 'Are you named after the dog who went into the space?'. Then you say 'Yes, actually,' then I think I'm supposed to make a comment on the irony, then we do some sort of secret handshake-- I just had to be sure for my own safety,>" she told him.
He stopped, heading back.
"<Excuse me?>" he asked.
"<Of course I'm the woman you're looking for,>" she said dryly. "<I just wanted to make sure that you were really you. I'm satisfied.>"
"<Unusual,>" he commented, taken aback a bit. He seemed like he was going to be offended, but instead was quiet as he stared at her. Instead his curiosity overwhelming his pride, he asked, "<How are you sure?>"
"<Because if you were after my ass, you wouldn't have been about to leave. Anyway. I think we're good for the secret handshake, wouldn't you say?>" she asked. Every time she went into the Soviet bloc-- every single time-- and she had to even go slightly incognito, lie, or pretend to be someone else, she would've loved for the chance to brag about how clever she was. Just one chance to tell someone how wonderfully clever she was to be working around all the roadblocks and avoiding raising suspicions, how brilliant and amazing her insight and observational skills were when it came to working around the Soviet.
Bragging is thoroughly fucking overrated, Alanna decided.
"<Reasonable,>" he said, his eyes narrowing. "<But keeping up this attitude will wear at my patience.>"
Alanna sighed. "<How can I help you?>"
"<You are Lilian's envoy, right? You seem a bit...,>" he started to trail off for effect, but Alanna cut him off with a glare of her own.
"<Now you're wearing at mine,>" she snapped, surprised at how irate she had quickly become. She knew she wasn't making a good impression. "<I'm not especially interested in spending this whole war pushing broom, so how about we go somewhere private and we'll figure out what I can be actually useful with, alright?>"
"<I don't like taking orders,>" he said, still trying to stare her down. He wasn't big or strong looking, but his dark eyes were certainly intimidating all the same, now that she got a close look at them.
Alanna decided it would be best to not dig herself in any further, and say nothing.
"<But you're right,>" he said; she didn't especially feel like it. "<Come on, let's go talk about how you can be useful.>"
"<I just have a single condition for working with you,>" Alanna had
announced to him before starting. "<Second thing I do for you, is entirely
on my terms. Period. I will co-operate fully and jump through whatever hoops
you want me to on the first job, but after that, you have to humour me for
the second. Or I skip town. Understand?>"
Laika had begrudgingly agreed. It was a deliberate move that would've worked a whole lot better had Alanna not blown her first impression; still, she needed it. She had absolutely nothing in mind when she declared that the second job was hers, it was simply a matter of asserting herself. If she didn't immediately, she knew it would be impossible to get anyone to take her for more than just an information source if she ever actually needed something.
She was immediately included in what Laika's cell considered 'important meetings,' and while he didn't treat her friendlily, it was certainly acknowledged that she was a valuable source. Over the course of the week, they went to work on plans to set up a demolition strike against a military target.
"<Hit the war machine,>" Laika had said, "<it means no innocent deaths, but a rattled militia makes for a populace who isn't blindly happy. Everyone wins but the Soviet.>"
"<It's our duty to make sure that we don't hurt people unnecessarily, or we're no better than they are,>" a priest agreed.
Awfully holier than thou, Alanna had thought. At that point she was still irritated and not pleased with Laika or the rest of his cell. She put on her best smile for them as she provided the sattelite images that would help them carry out the plan, but she was certainly not getting happier as time passed.
After what felt like forever, the bombing happened. Alanna and four other Russians (but not the priest or Laika) snuck in during the wee hours of the morning, planted the bombs and vanished. It was a far more elaborate plot than that, but Alanna felt far too miserable to show any enthusiasm over it.
Everyone else was celebrating all around the TV, laughing as the report tried to downplay what had happened. Alanna wanted no part in it, and spent the time catching up on a couple days worth of newspapers instead. She futily hoped for some good news on the war, even though she knew it sure wouldn't show up in a Soviet newspaper.
She was right about that. Unsurprisingly, there was no news relating to the war that didn't read like stock lies she'd seen a million times before. Surprisingly, however, an article with Sachiko's face beside it caught her eye. It mentioned no name, but it talked about a 25-year-old rogue agent who had been arrested after being brainwashed by the West. She suspected at least the first part was true.
I guess they weren't too pleased with her not coming back with Alexander's information, she thought to herself. Well, good. She's a real bitch and she deserves it.
The next day, Alanna finally decided that she would try to talk to someone she didn't dislike.
Alanna carefully knocked on the door.
"It's Alanna," she said. After a moment, the door unlocked loudly and opened.
"Alanna?" Dr. Simon said, his face filled with a warm smile. He was still wearing the same coat, and was holding a mug full of steaming coffee. "Do come in! It's good to see you again!"
"You too," she said, trying to force herself to not sound too upset. She walked inside for the second time, and Simon closed the door behind her.
"How're you doing, Alanna?" he asked. Most people, when they asked that, it was smalltalk, just an extended part of the greeting; but he was sincerely interested. "You don't really look so well."
"I don't really feel so well," she admitted. It was the first chance to talk honestly about herself in well over a week; she was relieved to finally be able to. Realizing that was selfish, she quickly added, "I hope I'm not bothering you or anything."
"No! Not at all, I'm delighted to see you. Everything else can wait, especially if you're feeling bad; I'm really sorry to hear that," he said sympathetically, walking towards the kitchen. "Sit, please, I'll go get you a cup of coffee. A warm mug is always good for the soul."
Alanna wasn't sure that she believed that, but she didn't argue, and sat down in the same wooden chair that she had the last time. She appreciated the sentiment, at least.
"Thanks," she said. She wasn't doing anything to bother stifling her accent at this point.
"How do you take your coffee, Alanna?" he called out from the kitchen.
"Two sugar, please." After a moment, he returned and handed her a steaming mug. She blew on it and took a cautious sip.
"Thank you," she said, smiling faintly.
"So what's the matter, Alanna?" he asked, sitting down in his chair in front of her, leaning in. "Laika's boys aren't treating you well?"
"No... I mean, no, they're not, but it's not that," she said. "We don't get along, but I'm a grown woman, I can deal with that just fine. It's just... I don't know."
"Confusing?" he suggested.
"Definitely confusing. I'm not even sure what's the point of anything anymore," she said. "Not in a depression sense. I don't mean life. I just mean... what the hell am I doing here?"
Alanna stopped to take a sip of her coffee and Simon didn't say anything; just nodding.
"I'm glad I can at least talk to you, you're the only person I don't seem to be antagonistic towards lately," she added, sighing. "It's so stupid. I'm supposed to be this important, high class, heroic government agent who helps in the valiant fight against international Communism! But I feel like a 14-year-old. A mopey 14-year-old."
"That's life," he said with a knowing smile.
Alanna smiled back, awkwardly. "This is where you tell me that it'll get better and I shouldn't beat myself up over it, right?"
"I wasn't going to," he said with a pause, drinking his coffee. "Cliches should never take the place of good advice. Alanna, I don't have some clever sage-like koan that'll turn everything around for you and make you leave with a smile. It's never really that easy."
"I wish it was," she said; that much was obvious.
"If only," he nodded.
She didn't say anything, not sure what she should say. There was another good long pause for nearly a whole minute.
"It's just," she started to say, thoughtfully, "I think it's that, really. I'm lonely. I know, now I really sound like a mopey 14-year-old... but, I mean, antagonistic assholes? They're no problem. Being stuck trying to hide under Soviet radar? It's not the first time. I've managed.
"But... the moment I have no one to honestly just talk to, I fall apart." She sighed.
He nodded, giving some thought before he responded. "It's the communication cut-off that's doing it?" he asked. "You're upset that you can't talk to your lifeline at home?"
"Yea-- no," she started to say, realizing it wasn't true immediately. "Lily's not that friendly. But... I did have a travelling companion, before."
"Oh," he said, nodding knowingly. "Boy troubles."
"Ha! Well, sort of. Now I really feel like I'm 14," she said with an embarassed smile.
"If you have a problem... then you have a problem, Alanna, period," he replied, shaking his head. "Don't patronize yourself."
"I suppose so," she said. "But... yeah. I guess it really is just girl troubles. There was a girl I was travelling with, I felt strongly, she betrayed me... and now I'm all on my own."
"Were you in love?"
"I don't know," she answered, tilting her head back. "I guess-- oh, who am I kidding? Yeah. Yeah, I was, even though I should've known better."
"Are you still?" he asked, giving her a knowing look.
Alanna sighed. "I suppose so," she admitted. "I should still know better, but... God, that's what it is, ain't it. I'm feeling down because the girl I'm mooning over ran away from me. This shouldn't be having this effect on me, it's just so... so high school."
"Alanna," he started, smiling. "I think you like to act otherwise because most people'll fall for it, but I can tell that you're not that old. You laugh at high school, but it'd be... what, eight years ago for you?"
Seven, actually, she thought, but just nodded.
"Well," he continued, "I think what you need to do right now is to stop pretending you're better than your problems. CIA or not, you're still a young lady and you're still one of us mere humans."
"I know," she said, thoughtfully, and after a pause, added, "I know. I guess... I need to talk to her. I think...," she looked down, stopping. Time to go call in that second mission clause, she thought to herself. "I know exactly what I need to go do."
"And what's that?"
"Somethin' stupid," Alanna said confidently.